Atlanta, GA-Doctors at Longview Memorial today released the findings of their study in progress on whether or not the old adage "Laughter is the best medicine" holds up. Results proved shocking.
"We did find that with some ailments, laughter produced desirable effects. However, the most notable finding was that in cases of collapsed lungs, laughter is not the preferred course of treatment," said Doctor Larry Heinz, a resident at Longview Memorial in Atlanta.
"We administer treatment primarily in the ER," explained Heinz. "Our method is simple. We wait for a trauma case to arrive, and then tell the victim jokes until their laughter magically heals them."
The study, which began last year, was met with fierce opposition within the medical community, which called the study immoral, unethical and even questioned the credentials of the doctors performing the experiment.
"Most pioneering studies have to contend with the orthodoxy wanting to hold them back, but we're confident that our results speak for themselves." When asked about the results, Heinz quickly reported: "You win some, you lose some. And let me tell you, we're very optimistic about the chances of winning some in the near future. I believe we're on the path to unlocking the secret of laughter."
Heinz elaborated on the techniques of the treatment and what he feels has led to the death of every patient whom the procedure has been performed on. "I honestly believe we're perfecting the art of the joke. It took us five weeks to learn that the knock-knock joke wasn't doing the job. We'd lose most patients in about fifteen or twenty minutes with those. We've only now advanced to ‘your mama' jokes, and the results have been much better. The victim often survives for thirty to thirty-five minutes during a session of mama jokes. I strongly feel that we're on the verge of discovering the joke which will heal all wounds."