Last week, Scientists at the University of Wales discovered a new strain of rabies in ants.
"I discovered it quite by accident," said Professor Phelagalem, head of the 'Lets Discover A New Strain Of Rabies In Ants' department. "I was walking home one night and a gang of them jumped me. Foaming at the mouth they were."
I asked how he had escaped. "Well, I tripped up the first ant over my shoe. Another one jumped on my back but I grabbed him by his neck and threw him at the others. Then I made my escape."
He showed me a dead rabid ant in a test tube.
"Looks awful doesn't it ?" he mused. "Maybe we should keep them in fur-lined coffins."
I asked the professor what the hardest thing was about treating sick ants.
"Bandaging their feet," he replied gravely.The government has issued the following statement :-
"ALL CITIZENS OF THE UK ARE NOW LEGALLY OBLIGED TO PLACE ANY ANTS THEY FIND IN QUARANTINE FOR THREE MONTHS - SIX MONTHS IF THE ANT SHOWS A FEAR OF WATER - (THIS CAN BE ASCERTAINED BY THROWING A BUCKET OF WATER AT THE ANT AND SEEING IF IT JUMPS OUT OF THE WAY)."