Written by Tragic Rabbit
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Friday, 4 July 2008

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Thomas Beatie, the 34-year-old delusional attention-whore who made international headlines and a six-figure book deal by reporting himself as 'a pregnant man' on the Oprah show, has now listed his newborn on eBay with a starting bid of $50, 000, his marketing agents have announced.

The Blessed Event occurred last Thursday when Beatie finally delivered his child in a hospital delivery room full of doctors and medical staff carefully schooled in 'proper pronoun use' and 'respect for the glorious rainbow of human gender and sexuality', says Beatie's initial press release.

An unauthorized cell phone videoclip of the birth is offered in a separate eBay listing, with a starting bid of $25,000. This listing is expected to be challenged by Beatie's marketing team and lawyers, who claim exclusive rights to all references and images related to the term 'Pregnant Man'.

Beatie hopes to garner at least a million in bids for the squalling infant and generate even more interest in his soon-to-be-bestseller and HBO movie, the yet-to-be-released opus, 'I'd Rather be a Millionaire Freakshow than a Dyke on Foodstamps, Wouldn't You?', starring a reluctant, contractually-obligated Rick Moranis as Beatie and fellow attention-whore Miley Cyrus as his 'lesbian identified' wife.

As bids and bitching soars on Ebay, McDonalds and Burger King are reportedly engaged in a bidding war for rights to make a series of 'Pregnant Man' toys for children's meals.

The toy line is expected to feature an Invisible-Man-style take apart 'Pregnant Man', toy replicas of his child both as fetus and as eBay listing, and a miniature bank with vault doors that accept tiny bags of cash that represent the small fortune the Beaties are raking in by going cyber-public with what is, let's face it, a pretty natural process.

Meanwhile, back in reality, fellow clown Larry Harmon, who entertained children by playing Bozo for half a century, died of envy because he hadn't thought of that pregnancy stunt thing first.

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