Written by Don Davis
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Topics: Oil

Monday, 23 June 2008

image for Plan to Solve Oil Crisis

Shropshire, England (Scientific Human) - Speaking at the Convention of Oil Consultants (COOC) Lord Graham Gilliam revealed his plan to solve the worlds Oil Crisis. He claims to have perfected the process of "Gravity Reduction Surgery".

Following "Gravity Reduction Surgery" a person is less susceptible to the effects of Gravity and would not need automobiles to get around as they would be able to float on their own.

Explaining his process Lord Graham Gilliam notes "there may be a bit of pain but the ultimate result is worth it". He goes on to explain "a combination of internal organs result in each human having their own internal 'gyroscope' that makes them highly susceptible to gravity. Through surgery we can alter their gyroscope, slow it down, and make them less reliant on the earth's gravity".

When asked how people would propel themselves forward rather than just float aimlessly Lord Gilliam replied "I've tested a rubber-band powered propeller strapped to the back of my nephew; seems to work quite well".

An outspoken opponent of his process is Shropshire University Professor Terry Chapman who claims "the process is cruel and painful and besides, we can't have people just floating about all willy-nilly. What would happen to the shoe industry?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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