Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 13 June 2008

image for Holiday Shits: Latest Advice
Stay at home this summer

Leading medical experts have made an exciting announcement today, claiming that they now have within their grasp the cure for the annoying and debilitating condition known as the 'Holiday Shits'.

With the summer holiday season fast approaching, and countless millions of Britons heading for sunnier climes, it's a safe bet that many of them will suffer from an upset stomach brought on by the lack of sanitation at their resort.

Now though, doctors say the best way to avoid the Tijuana Two-Step is to avoid going away altogether and to stay in this country, for instance, at Blackpool, Brighton, Clacton or Scarborough. In extreme circumstances, they say, a trip to North Wales could be risked.

If travellers MUST go abroad, the advice is to boil vast quantities of drinking water first, and to store it in 16 gallon drums. This can then be used when making a pot of tea. These drums can be bought at Argos for £16.99.

Another piece of useful advice is to take lots of homemade sandwiches from home, tightly wrapped in clingfilm or silver foil, so that 'that foreign muck' can be stuck right where it belongs, in the bin, and upset tummies won't be a problem.

One leading health expert said:

"Some of these foreigners eat extremely dodgy food. The French especially. If you want a nice break, stay in this country or, if you must go, leave the snails alone!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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