Researchers from U of Colorado, Princeton and Sun devil ASU captured male barn swallows in New Jersey before the mating season. They then took a red magic marker and enhanced the males' chests. Apparently female barn swallows get really hot for red breasted males.
The results showed that these artificially redden breasted males received more amorous attention from excited females and more aggressiveness from envious unenhanced males. Their testosterone apparently skyrocketed.
Theft of red magic markers in New Jersey has also increased and Carrot Top told sexsual advice columnist, Paraphernalia4yourgenitalia.cum that he cannot keep up with the bird attacks on his person:" I feel like I'm in a Hitchcock movie!", the red breasted comedian told TheSpoof.com's sexsual adviser.