Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 24 July 2008

image for Wind So Strong, it Blew Earth Nearer The Sun
It's going to get a lot warmer

A freak windstorm that swept across Britain two weeks ago, was so strong that it blew the planet off its normal rotation and three hundred lunar miles nearer to the sun.

The storm, say weather experts, caused chaos the length and breadth of the country, and insurance experts have estimated the cost of the damage at £300. Dustbins were blown all over the place, and in Margate, in Kent, a dog kennel moved.

The real damage, however, lies in the future, as a rotational discrepancy of this magnitude has left the Earth on a crash course with the Sun, with a possible impact within the next five years.

Dramatic changes are in store before that, with 300mph solar winds baking the surface of the planet, and thermal gusts strong enough to flatten entire regions.

Global warming will be the least of our worries.

Professor Torsten Stratos, from the Cumulonimbus University in Gothenburg, told me:

"It voss a very strong vind! It's curtains for ze lot of us!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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