The San Angelo, Texas Hairline Research Institute has published new findings in the Journal of Balding Women and Children. SATHRI has suspected for years that the wearing of prairie dresses and the torturous bobbing of hair was the underlying cause of receding hairlines among San Angelo ladies.
New discoveries focusing on anxiety and genetics have revealed that the prematurely balding children and young mothers of the San Angelo cult suffer from genetic inbreeding and a nervous disorder caused by not knowing who your parents are or whose bed you will be called to for "sacred stroking", the cults nickname for doing the nasty.
Cult spokesman, Bigbald Dome disputed the findings: "Many brilliant people like Einstein and George Costanza have predominant hairless frontal lobes. San Angelo just happens to have some very bright women."