Written by Fish
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Topics: Internet

Tuesday, 3 June 2008

image for Internet Terminally Ill
Three Months To Live

Philadelphia PA--The Internet is quickly dying, according to Drexel University researchers. Overuse and under maintenance has caused a freeze-up of vital components and there is no hope of a cure. Death is expected by September.

Drexel scientists note the Internet is simply not designed for the so much traffic. Almost 3 billion people access the Internet at least once a day. Too much bandwidth is being used to download music, TV shows and movies. Too many new consumers from India, and especially China, are burdening the system.

Computer scientists at Drexel also cited the lack of maintenance of the Internet as the major cause of its demise.

Specially designed computer 'spiders' have been created to weed out dead sites on the Internet and keep it functioning. These dead sites block the Internet much the same way cholesterol blocks arteries in the bloodstream. The 'spiders' require a temporary shut-down of the Internet to work. They have never been used because everyone believes it's some sort of scam or hoax.

"The Internet is like an obese, chain-smoking, beer-drinking, stressed out middle-aged man." said computer scientist Todd Odd. "The arteries are blocked and the medicine won't help now. Death is coming quickly and nothing can help."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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