Tel Aviv - (Mindblowing Mess): NASA's Mars Phoenix mission is being guided mentally by psychic (sic) Uri Geller who says the remote-control archaeological excavator is searching for the fabled Martian amethyst master skull.
"Each day I'm using my terrific powers to steer the diggers towards the huge crystal artefact," Geller told reporters today.
"From pre-Qumrani Akashic Records I have deduced that the amethyst image was used in the dawn of time by Earth's spacefathers who seeded our species.
"The prototype was carved from a single chunk of Martian rock crystal by the galactic warlord we know as Orion."
Geller believes the amethyst skull has awesome powers to heal mental illness, excise tumors, hone memory, improve spelling, cure homosexuality and generate the sort of psychic particle waves that create geniuses.
"Once a psychically advanced being - like myself, of course! - has interconnected with the skull in a positronic mind-meld all the laws of physics are turned upside down." Geller added.
"The anticipated result is a staggering mental regeneration that bends time/space at will, teleports, creates matter from void and predicts the lottery numbers in Spain's SuperGordo."
Lawyers acting for the Israeli spoon-bender have already filed a writ agaist NASA's claims to the skull citing Bibilcal references attesting to Geller's rights.
Michael Jackson was once his friend.