Written by Ben Macnair
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Wednesday, 21 May 2008

image for Missing Element found
You see, Vegemite and Marmite just don't do what Bovril does, tha' knows...

An Element, believed to be missing from the Periodic Table has been found, in a pub in Yorkshire.

Scientist Professor Plum-In-The-Mouth from the Howorth school of hard knocks, discovered the Element in a saucer of Bovril, that the land-lord put out for the Dog.

Plumtonium 4568 is actually Bovril, the meaty drink beloved in England, by an older generation. The properties of the element included a very low melting point, and the ability to be consumed in large quantities without having much of an effect on the Human Pysche.

Professor Mouth told us: 'The Land-lord, Ken put down the Bovril for Shep, like he allus does, tha' knows, and it suddenly hit me... Bovril is the missing link in the chemical chain. It was not some form of Iron, but an alchemist mix of water, animal products, and other chemicals.

'We don't know what practical use it will have for the world at large, but it is a break-through of sorts.

'Of course, it now means that Periodic Table has to be re-arranged and re-learnt. I will be as popular with Science students as the band Aardvark O00 will be with record companies, but it is a small price I have to pay for Scientific immortality!'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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