Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Monday, 12 May 2008

image for DNC blames polarization of its party on global warming
The future of the DNC?

Washington, DC - A spokesperson for the DNC denounced any rumors that Hillary Clinton's refusal to stand down as a contender for the Democratic presidential nominee is causing the party to divide itself, endangering its chances to win an all but certain victory in a country that is over ripe for change. Instead, the DNC has come out today and blamed global warming for the party's divisiveness.

"If it had not been for a rise in the average global temperature, then there would not be so many hot heads at the DNC to contend with," said a spokesman for the Democratic Party.

Meteorologists agree, saying that change in temperature can have just as a devastating impact on the human biology long before it shows up in the environment.

"If the temperature continues to rise at this pace and cooler heads fail to prevail," said Frank Horneblauer, a Meteorologist at the Cassandra Institute of Foresight. "The DNC will most likely go out the same way as the dinosaurs did, ill-equipped for drastic climate change."

In fact, as archeologist records indicate, that is precisely what happened to the dinosaurs and what some say is happing to the DNC as we speak.

"Just like the current Democratic infighting, dinosaurs could not reach a consensus on whether to adapt to evolutionary change or risk all by staying the same," said Horneblauer. "They bickered and fought among themselves for millions of years over what relevancy the popular vote and place pledge delegates have in a representative democracy controlled by antiquated concepts like the superdelegate."

Wasting precious time, they could have dedicated to experimental evolutionary adaptation similar to that of mammals.

"Like the rat or GOP is doing right now," said Horneblauer.

"The DNC convention is coming up this summer in Colorado like an asteroid entering the atmosphere ready to impact the earth," said Horneblauer. "Let's just hope too much hasn't been wasted on the divisiveness of the DNC that is beyond recovery, or we may witness a melt down on the convention floor, allowing for a more opportunistic spices to occupy the White House come January next year."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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