Written by Rodd Justice
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Topics: Global Warming

Friday, 5 October 2001

image for Global Warming Was A Hoax
Global Warming - Load of Rubbish

Scientists have messed up again! Their normally normal complexions have turned reddish due to embarrassment. The Armageddonistic theory of Global Warming was a scamfake cunningly constructed by a man who works in a field! The evildoers behind this scheme is none other than the same crafty people responsible for the 1980s crop circles.

A mad gang from the countryside decided to go on another prank rampage after the success of their "cut some hay and blame it on aliens" work in the 80s. They decided this time to fiddle around with the Earth's gases, causing false readings on the air-gas-meters in science labs all over the world. They achieved this using nothing more than slingshots and balloons filled with cow farts - all readily accessible items on any 21st century farm.

Biff Bopper, 56, was the leader of the gang. He'd even attended the Telford International Conference on Climate Change, just to get personal satisfaction from his joke on science at first hand by listening to the scientists pontificate on the dangers of the problem.

Bopper could not help but burst out laughing every time "Global Warming" was mentioned. The science eggheads did not spot Bopper's laughter-clues until the third day of the conference. Organiser Roy Stapler explained, "we thought he was just laughing at the scale of humanity's blooper?but after a while, I sussed something was up. Unfortunately for the Global Warming theory, it was not sea temperatures."

Bopper was rumbled, and was forced to disprove Global Warming, which he did with unsurprising ease. Some scientists were inconsolable, their life's work down the toilet. Others were heard to let out a guffaw.

There have been far reaching implications for the revelations: Kyoto protocol on carbon emissions has been chucked in the dustbin, and a woman in Wales said, "does that mean I can throw my fridge away in the landfill again?"

The real costs of Bopper's gang's hoax are wide-ranging. The economic cost of environmental regulation runs into the trillions of dollars, but the social cost of fat people restraining from using aerosols on hot days is priceless.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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