Break-through research carried out by scientists at the University of Hindley, Lancs, has identified a gene in women that mutates when they reach their 40's. They have also discovered in tests carried out on women ranging from 45-70 years old, that as soon as their children settle down with a partner or get married, the 'annoying gene' mutates, making them irrational, interfering and prone to all sorts of illnesses and ailments that actually don't exist (but makes a good topic of conversation, along with the weather and shoes).
Professor Igor McSpliffy Phd, head of Erroneous Studies in Hindley said "I first realised I was on to something when I got married 12 years ago and found my mother-in-law was incredibly annoying in every department
"I soon found I hated the bitch. She'd bring fruit round my house for no apparent reason. Grapes, melons, all sorts. I hate melons SO much now! She's always ill too. If there's a virus about, she's got it and will talk about it incessantly. Even if there isn't something going around, she'll have something to complain about!"
Dr Rudolph Cobbledick (McSpliffy's assistant) added "Yeh it's true in all walks of life. By all accounts the Queen Mum used to get right on Prince Phillip's tits. And Barrymore? He was straight as an arrow before his mother-in-law got to him!"
Tests carried out on women from nearby Council estates proved inconclusive due to them being incredible rough, thick, chain-smoking slappers.
"Most become grandmothers by the age of 32, their natural Mother-in-law instincts have been supressed. Added to that they're extremely unlikely to ever be anyone's Mother-in-law due to doubts over who may have fathered their grandchildren in the first place" added McSpliffy.
When told of Professor McSpliffy's findings, 37 year old local grandmother, Sharon Trollope said "F*** off, he loves it when i bring my melons round! The only time he finds me annoying is when he sneaks round at weekends when my daughter's at work and I refuse to let him take me up the chuff!"