San Francisco, CA-
According to the latest study by UCSF researchers, eating food in unhealthy.
The study followed 200 men and women of various age groups as they ate three typical meals per day, for ninety days. Each of the subjects experienced a warm yellow liquid discharge several times per day, as well as a brown solid discharge average once per day. In addition, some subjects complained of headaches, backaches, fatigue, depression, boredom, impotence, cancer, Bush's tax plan, and the situation in the Middle East.
In addition, one of the younger subjects died during the study. 24 year old Ashley Taylor was run over by a bus.
In contrast, the researchers also studied several plants for over five months, which were watered daily, but never given any food. The plants showed significant growth, and did not complain of any side effects.