Written by Paul Deacon
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Friday, 5 October 2001

image for Of Men And Scientists
He, he, he, he, he, he. . .

A team of British scientists will announce a major breakthrough in the study of animal communications in a report to be published later today.

The researchers say they have discovered that many rodents actually do talk in speeded-up voices, as portrayed in many cartoons. Using highly sensitive microphone probes, mice and chipmunks were heard chuckling and gabbling away in very high pitches.

A spokesman said they were 'very excited' by the findings and subject to another huge government hand-out of cash would extend their research to pigs.

Meanwhile, a leading research laboratory says it has 'run out of things to do to mice'.

The laboratory, which wishes to remain anonymous, says in recent years it has injected mice to make them aggressive, passive, drunk, homosexual, bisexual, asexual, stroppy, forgetful and wistful.

A spokesman told TheSpoof "We've simply run out of ideas. We thought perhaps we could graft human legs onto their back or inject bull semen into their stomachs or chargrill their paws but frankly we're a bit stuck".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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