CLEVELAND, Ohio (Reuters) -- Nutritionists at the American Dietetic Association have been baffled by a new foodstuff being tested at local McDonald's stores called the "McLove Muffin."
"The McLove Muffin features everything that McDonald's fans love in one convenient breakfast sandwich," explains store manager Johnson Stevens. "We start off with a McMuffin bun, then add egg, sausage, maple syrup, two all beef patties, three Chicken Selects (R), and a hot apple pie. That's topped off with lettuce, tomato, onion, pickle, Chipotle Southwest Barbeque Sauce, and closed up with a top bun made from compressed french fries."
"It's not a muffin at all," complained a confused Deborah Smith, a leading nutritionist who has worked with the ADA for 14 years. "It was bad enough when McDonald's introduced the Egg McMuffin and Sausage McMuffin; the process to broaden the definition of 'muffin' to include them took nearly two years and three million dollars of taxpayer money. I don't even want to think about the incredible cost demanded by the McLove Muffin."
Project lead Frank Ezel agrees. "This is simply disgusting," he exclaimed loudly after biting into the McLove muffin and then quickly spitting that bite into the garbage. "Forget 'muffin', this isn't even food! Why haven't we banned this!?"
The ADA is not the only group expressing outrage at this new foodstuff. "I thought we had the market cornered on crazy food," said Burger King store manager Larry Hendrickson. "When we introduced chicken fries, I was pretty sure that that ship had sailed. Clearly we have work to do."
Despite protests, McDonalds shows no signs of discontinuing the new McLove Muffin. In response, Burger King announced Friday that they would be introducing their own new food to combat the McDonald's new offering. Called the "King Side Castle", it features a cardboard castle filled with french fries and chicken fries pressed into the shape of chess pieces. "The castle unfolds into a chess board," explained John Chidsey, CEO of Burger King. "It's aimed at a smarter customer who realizes the clear superiority of Burger King's foods, and offers them an all new way to 'Have it Your Way.'"