A team at St. Time-on-its-hands Hospital, London, have made an amazing breakthrough by creating, for the first time ever, an entirely artificial bionic arse. The arse, clinical trials suggest, could perform equally as well as a real arse and, perhaps, better.
Dr. Fencing Stolen-Goods, the leader of the team, explained: "Many thousands of people currently suffer from broken arses, often through no fault of their own." The team, using the latest nanotechnology and keyhole surgery techniques, were able to construct an arse that can think for itself. "Imagine," said Dr. Fencing Stolen-Goods, "that".
The arse could be available to the general public in the space of five years and it is hoped that faulty arses could become a thing of the past. The same team were responsible for the bionic tit, bionic kitten and the short-lived bionic pasty.