Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 17 July 2008

image for Global Boiling To Be The Next Big Phenomenon, Say Scientists
See the purple bit? That's the ozone!

Global Warming, the notion that the Earth's temperature is slowly rising as a result of human intervention, will eventually give way to Global Boiling say scientists.

Credible data shows that, in the 100 years to 2005, the Earth's average temperature rose by 1.33' Fahrenheit, and, if current trends persist, oil prices will continue to rise and knife crime will spiral out of control.

The ice caps will melt, sea levels will rise and Doncaster will become a seaside resort, though it will not attract many visitors, because there is nothing to do there.

The suns rays, instead of reflecting back into space as they do now, will be absorbed by the oceans, which will then heat up, and this process will lead to Global Boiling. There, I went around the houses a bit, but I got there in the end.

Global Boiling will not be the end of the matter, either. Oh no! After, say, 100 years of Global Boiling, will come Global Scalding which to human hands, will be unbearable, and should be treated with copious amounts of Calomine Lotion after running under a cold tap for fully five minutes.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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