College students are coming down with the mumps so often that university health centers believe the disease has surpassed sexually transmitted infections.
Jenny Talia of the STD section of the CDC admits that US halls of higher learning are riddled with herpes, warts, Chlamydia and yes, mumps:
"Our hallowed halls remind me of the villages of the Middle Ages where the Black Death stalked every citizen. Freshman fifteen has given way to meningitis epidemics and 40% of our baccalaureate chasers are carrying some infectious microbe on their way to the sheepskin. Next thing we will learn is that you can get hoof in mouth from your diploma!"
When Dr Jenny Talia was asked what was the most common way mumps are being spread among US undergrads she expressed the opinion that it's what's happening under the covers that is infecting undergrads: "Mumps can be spread by humping!"