Written by Kirsty Walker
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Topics: George Lucas

Friday, 5 October 2001

image for George Lucas Unmasked As Renegade Space Historian

A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away, the biggest interstellar grave robbery, since the rape of the fifth moon of Pluto, was executed by a fiendish and conniving weasel named George Lucas.

Lucas may have fooled the movie going public with his capacity to make up cute sounding names and make grown men collect toys, but the scientific community has unmasked the bearded one as a renegade space historian.

In the mid sixties, Lucas was employed by the US Space Agency to research the history of several outlying galaxies, in particular KY-11, HH-6 and JC-8. But it was the latter which interested Lucas, as the JC-8 delta which spanned 4 million miles and 1859,000 light years had constantly battled to keep rival factions in line. With no regard to the feelings or licensing rights of the galaxy, Lucas began writing his research paper, always intending to sell it as a movie script on it's completion. Drawings of creatures and locations which

Lucas has claimed "came in a dream", were actually drawn by a Gungan artist in 1966. Tress Gala , one of the finest Gungan artists ever to have lived, is now outraged at the theft of the sketches, and of the portrayal of his people in Star Wars: Episode One;

"The Gungan people were extremely hospitable to Mr Lucas and his research team, and we are repaid by this horrifying depiction of our proud race. Episode One showed the Gungans as ignorant, illiterate and downright annoying. Our children cannot walk down the street now without being taunted with cries of "Me's A Jar Jar Binks".

Darth Prazt, a Sith Lord who believes the character of Darth Vadar was based on his father was also unimpressed by Lucas' betrayal.;"Lucas approached us in the search for knowledge, and we treated him as we would a brother. My father organized his welcoming party, despite having a bad case of laryngitis at the time. Now we see that not only has the name of Darth Vadar come to symbolize evil and violence, but my father's illness was mocked. The phrase Brother of A Jedi has dogged my adolescence, I wish Lucas and his associates a swift and dishonorable death."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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