Written by Riaz Ali
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Topics: Mars, Earth

Wednesday, 5 September 2001

image for Martians Regard Earth With Envious Ties
Green Man

An amateur astronomer accidentally found his telescope trained on Mars and discovered, to his surprise, some Martians regarding him with ties which he could only describe as 'envious'. I asked Mr Jeff Wayne of Colchester what his first impressions were.

"Well," he said, "I started off by doing Frankie Howard, and progressed onto Kenneth Williams before finally producing an uncanny James Mason as an encore."

I asked him what made him regard the ties as 'envious'.

"When one lives, like I do, in a secluded country village where your only form of amusement is dressing up as the postman and hiding in bins, then the acquisition of ties becomes a matter of life and death."

Mr Jeff Wayne is currently observing Pluto in the hope that people will stop taking the Mickey.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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