Professor Hinginbottom from the University of Life has successfully created a female girlfriend for himself under laboratory conditions.
By combining a number of essential ingredients and dissolving them in a solution of his own mucus, Prof. Higinbottom artificially made a lovely lady, which he's very pleased with.
"I call her Brenda", said the esteemed Professor, "I added sugar and spice and all things nice and she just grew in an instant.
"I maybe overdid the spice bit. Her nose looks a little 'piggy', like that Victoria Beckham".
Previous attempts by the professor didn't go so well.
"I tried a slugs and snails and puppy dog tails solution and it just formed a man. We dated a few times but drifted apart because we didn't really have much in common. The sex was great but I just wasn't ready for the commitment".