After extensive mental and physical study scientists released yesterday that they have discovered that trombonists are mentally deficient. while this has long been believed to be true by many brass band members across the world, scientists felt the need to prove/disprove this popular myth.
A member of the team who discovered this, released this statement. Unfortunately we cannot print Mr T. Handford's name for legal reasons:
"After extensive tests we found that trombone players lack the use of a vital part of their brain which allows them to make sensible decisions in everyday life."
The team who performed the research are now believed to be nominated for knighthoods for "services to music". The team are also rumored to be starting a study into the brain of musical conductors, who are also believed to be mentally deficient.
The president of the International Trombonists Society (Mr A Badcock) released this statement this morning:
"Myself and other members of the International Trombonists Society are deeply annoyed by this report. We are not mentally deficient and ask that the scientists admit that they are frauds and do not know what they are speaking about."
However what Mr Badcock didn't realise however was that he was sill wearing his slippers and his fly was undone the whole way through the press conference at which he released this statement.
Needless to say the findings of this scientific study are bound to be widely recognised very quickly.