Written by Jesus Budda
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Monday, 25 February 2008

image for Scientist Announces End Of World
"Oh f*ck, Barbara. Not again"

When you spot a scientist with a stopwatch you know something important is about to happen: and when that scientist is none other than Professor Brian Boffin of the University of Colorado, you know it's ultra special.

Stroking his manly-cleft chin and pacing up and down in front of the assembled world's media, the Nobel prize-winning academic suddenly stopped and made his startling announcement.

"The world is about to end", he spoke in a deep rumbling voice while gazing at his wristwatch, "right…. about………now!"

The attendant audience gasped in shock while clutching each other. And then they waited. And waited.

A fart from a Bulgarian journalist at the back eventually broke the silence.

The professor and his team huddled and chattered nervously amongst themselves for 20 seconds or so.

The Professor approached the stand again.

"It appears our calculations were slightly misjudged", he nervously spoke.

As the deflated crowd exited the room, one person was heard muttering "what a f*cking waste of time".

This is the 25th occasion so far this year that Professor Boffin has made a similar incorrect claim.

His campus colleagues have pledged their continuing support despite the latest setback.

"Brian will get it right some, you'll see", warned the defiant head of the University, "and then we'll see who's laughing then".

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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