Written by Riaz Ali
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Topics: Mars

Wednesday, 5 September 2001

image for Scientists Discover New Consonant on Mars!

Last week scientists at Jodrell Bank discovered a new consonant on Mars.

"The funny thing is," said Professor Aeiou, "is that we weren't looking for one. We were looking for seismic activity in the poles."

I remarked that my Auntie was Polish and had never indicated that her activities were seismic.

"Well," he smiled knowingly, "she wouldn't would she."

He then explained further regarding the new consonant. "It's like making an 'm' but with your tongue sticking out. We're really excited by it."

We spoke to an eminent linguist at Oxford. "Why did you bring me to Oxford," he asked. "When I live in Sidcup?"

We took him for a punt.

"Best bet is the 'Coach & Horses'," he offered. "Mine's a lager."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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