Written by Robert W. Armijo
Print this

Wednesday, 30 January 2008

image for New medical marijuana vending machines in California inadvertently contribute to the death of a man from Copenhagen
Use of medical marijuana from vending machines may result in death from A.P.E.C.B.B.S.

San Francisco, California - As an added convenience to the patients of medical marijuana, the California legislature has allowed for the introduction and distribution of cannabis vending machines throughout the Golden State as a part of a new experimental pilot project.

The medical marijuana vending machines will be located in pharmacies, truck stops and the State legislature lobby in Sacramento. However, an incident involving the death of a tourist from Copenhagen, put plans on hold, and even threatens to cancel them entirely.

"The man seemed to be suffering from acute motion sickness," said the attending physician. "I had never seen such serve case as his in, oh, let's say half an hour, so I followed the standard operating procure like any other California physician would and gave him a prescription for medical marijuana."

Apparently, unfamiliar with the native customs of Californians, the man then proceeded to a pharmacy which had a medical marijuana vending machine just installed in its lobby and filled his prescription there.

"We even provide chairs for our customers to seat and take a rest that decide to use our vending machines," said a pharmacist. "We just don't allow them to smoke the cannabis inside the building as we are a no smoking state."

Unfortunately, after taking the doctor-prescribed medical marijuana in the parking lot, the Copenhagen man returned to the lobby for a purchase of a can of Coke, which proved fatal.

"Still in a purple haze altered state of mind from the effects of the marijuana, he bought a can of Coke believing it contained the white powdery narcotic substance of the same name," concluded a toxicology report. "As he began snorting the bubbly carbonated liquid contents up his nose, he suddenly collapsed to the floor in violent seizures."

The toxicology report listed, "Acute Prolonged Exposure to Carbonized Bubbles on the Brain Syndrome or A.P.E.C.B.B.S." as the cause of death.

"It is not only a rare cause of death," read the toxicology report. "It is the first of its kind, ever."

However, death caused by A.P.E.C.B.B.S. is expected to be repeated and with increasing frequency with the introduction and distribution of the medical marijuana vending machines, concluded the toxicology report.

Make Robert W. Armijo's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 2 multiplied by 3?

8 6 14 25
50 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more