A new study out today concludes that the nearest experience humans have to death is the act of flossing. The feelings of futility, angst and despair it provokes can only be matched in power by the total mental and physical shutdown the body experiences when it dies.
The study, authored by Professor Dusty Folds of Harvard University, involved a total of 1593 respondants, cardiograph and CAT scan readings, and observations of facial expressions during flossing. It also transpired that the less frequent the flossing, the worse the feelings encountered.
"When you have factored guilt in at not having flossed regularly," said Professor Folds, "it all leads up to a whole mess of bad stuff." It was previously thought that other experiences such as watching professional snooker, listening to 50 Cent and Windows Vista were all near-death experiences.