Langley, West Va - (AssoCIAted Mess): Spooks at the President George Herbert Bush Center for Intelligence (sic) HQ of the CIA have said that rogue Scientology computer hackers have been bankrolled by Opus Dei to hack into power companies and blackmail entire incontinents.
"Just look at what happened when they put the screws on the French," a top CIA analyst said today, "the entire financial system blew exposing the massive SocGen scam that has already paid out $7 billion in bribes and extortions.
"Those intelligence-lead losses at UK Northern Crock Bank were a piece of cake...maybe even uranium yellowcake for all we know."
At first the hackers targeted national utility companies but large-scale raiding of gas and electricity meters was such a doddle that bigger targets became the weapon of choice.
This lead to more sophisticated scams.
Using know-how gained from the 2000 hacking into an Australian sewage control system that managed to flood airports, parks, rivers and city malls with millions of gallons of raw sewage, the gang easily adapted their Windows program to hack into British intelligence agencies and swamp their files with WMD crap that became the basis for Tony Blair's "dodgy dossier" on Iraq.
"Those 2007 UK personal data losses of tax details and military records - they're the entry point of a current scam that is blackmailing up to two dozen overexposed British financial institutions including the UK Treasury," CIA sources continued.
"Our first intelligence break came late last year when Portuguese authorities asked us to file-share backdated stuff on a British couple involved in an alleged kidnap.
"Since then the whole house of cards has begun tumbling down."
Gorgon Brown is quaking with rage.