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Topics: Dogs, Cats, Language, pets

Saturday, 19 January 2008

image for Pets Able to Speak Human Languages
"So, then I said to her..."

Melbourne, Florida (IPP) - A science team composed of a brother and sister who specialize in animal behavior have made an astounding discovery about how animals behave outside the presence of their human masters.

Doctors Jeff and Lisa Irvin set up a video and audio recording device in their home and then boarded their boat for what their pets thought was just another one of their almost daily fishing expeditions on the intercoastal waterway.

Their pets, a cat and a dog, had no idea that the recording device was hidden behind a special mirror and was operating on a VOX activated system.

When the science team returned home that afternoon they played the contents of the recording on their DVD and were amazed at what they found. The cat and dog were clearly seen and heard carrying on conversations in perfect English.

The cat was heard saying that he could not wait for his master to get back home so he could get his paws on fish scraps that he loved so much. The dog was heard telling the cat: "Shut the hell up, how am I supposed to get any rest with all of that incessant jaberring and gum flapping?" The cat then immitated one of the Three Stooges by saying, "Woooboobooboobooboop, I'll murderize you....". The dog then started laughing and said, "Niagara Falls", to which the cat replied, "Slowly I turn, step by step..." The whole thing also proved that these animals are also in possession of a fairly advanced sense of humor.

The pair of scientists will officially present their findings at the Institute of Animal Behavior convention next month and many scientists from various disciplines are in general agreement that this presentation will most likely result in a revolutionary new relationship between man and beast. The only problem that has yet to be overcome is to get the animals to admit that they are perfectly capable of expressing themselves using human speech. So far the cat and dog in the study have remained mum on the whole subject.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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