Written by Ross Douglas
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Thursday, 17 January 2008

image for Scientists announce breakthrough
Paul Gascoigne

Scientists from a Newcastle Research Centre today announced that they are able to create sustainable genetic material that is 99% human and 1% animal.

A spokesman for the Research Centre has stated in a press release to TheSpoof.com that the genetic material could be used to treat patients who are suffering from rare disorders which attack the host on the genetic level. "Furthermore" The spokesman said, "There is a high probability that as the DNA is not entirely human in its composition any disease that relies on a human host may not be able to reinfect anyone who is treated using this new method."

In a related story leaked to TheSpoof.com newly appointed Newcastle United manager Kevin Keegan played down suggestions that he is in negotiations to sign the genetic material to play in the latter part of the season. Former Newcastle united skipper Alan Shearer is rumoured to have suggested that his former team mate Paul Gascoigne was exactly opposite to the genetic material in that he is 99% animal and 1% human and it never stopped him from becoming one of Newcastle United's most valued assets.

The BNP has strenuously denied that the genetic material will be running for Parliament in the next general election stating that as it is only 1% animal it is far too advanced on the evolutionary scale to represent the majority of BNP voters.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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