Written by Arthur Zee
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Thursday, 10 January 2008

image for Al Gore Alarmed Over CO2 in Soda and Beer
Gore wants to end bubbles

Citing potential statistics on Global Warming, environmentalist champion Al Gore challenged the world to halt production of carbonated beverages such as soda and beer. "We must reduce unnecessary CO2 emissions," droned Gore, sipping a flat Mountain Dew outside his Tennessee mansion. "I think this un-soda tastes great."

Holden Berp, a beverage industry spokesman, led a press conference in New York aimed at defusing Gore's bold new plan. "This is simply another mindless attack on mainstream America," said Berp, pointing to a diagram of the carbonated beverage life cycle. "The CO2 in soft drinks is derived from the atmosphere. We extract the CO2, put it in the can, and the consumer releases it again. It's like the circle of life, but with more sugar and red dye number two."

Only time will tell if Mr. Gore's vision of a "flat world" will gather momentum. But for now, it seems that the battle over CO2 in carbonated beverages will continue to cloud an already bubbly debate.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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