Microsoft guru Bill Gates has said he is expecting a whole new breed of computer to be in everyone's homes in five years, and he will personally be calling around to check.
The richest man in the world, currently worth more than a sandwich in a Virgin Train buffet car, is envisioning a truly interactive web, and intuitive applications which work by touch and sensing what you are going to do next.
"People will be able to guide themselves through on the touch screen, this will be especially good news for business people, those with impaired ability to use mice or keyboards and perverts who already are testing this technology," said Gates
But Clive Hall, who is the National Union of Perverts and Internet Porn Addicts said "This is the sort of thing which could put my members' members out of business. I am authorising they down tools and strike until their right to self gratification and replacement keyboards is recognised as a valuable and irreplaceable contribution to society and the economy".
Leslie Grantham was unavailable for comment.