NASA officials announced today that if the asteroid currently heading towards Mars fails to strike, they plan on blowing the planet up with nuclear weapons themselves.
"We are all psyched up for a big explosion", said NASA administrator Michael Griffin. "If the asteroid doesn't hit then the American people will be disappointed. Therefore, we will send a small part of our nuclear arsenal to the red planet so we can see the big Kaboom!"
Astronomers says that the chance of an asteroid hitting Mars on January 30th have been increased from 1-in-75 to 1-in-25. This has excited everyone from scientists to backyard astronomers to the average joe."
"If we see an asteroid crash into Mars it will increase our understanding of what would happen when one crashes into the Earth. And that will definitely happen someday!" said Princeton astronomer James Binney. "Personally I would like to see a big hole blown into the planet. I think that would be cool".
"I would love to see Mars blow up", said Martin Frisby, a homeless Los Angeles transient. "I just don't want to be standing next to it when it happens".
US President George W. Bush said he has three high-speed nuclear weapons pointed at the red planet. He also warned that the missiles may misfire and hit Iran. In that case, he claimed, "it's not our fault".