In ground-breaking surgery, a young lady golfer had her virginity restored after a bizarre accident on world famous golf course of St Andrews in Scotland.
The accident happened at the beginning of a tournament between lads and lasses from the small village of Drumnadrochitt. The girls teed off first and having holed their first balls, teed off towards the next green.
Meanwhile, the lads, captained by Angus McCoatup, 22, a cloakroom attendant at the Loch Ness Hotel took an almighty swing and knocked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, with the ball coming to rest a mere few yards from the hole.
The four lads were doing really well and soon collected eagles, albatrosses and other ornithological items. They were feeling good. In his excitement, Angus sliced the ball straight down the fairway and very close to a sandtrap.
It would have rolled in the bunker, if it were not for one of the Lassies. Unfortunately, Morag McTavish, a shapely 19 year-old Barmaid and virgin who also works at the Loch Ness Hotel, (I didn't believe one existed, but neither did I believe in the Loch Ness Monster, until I saw Willie Player adjusting his tackle in the woods) had been hit by his ball between her legs! The spherical object shot into her vagina and broke her hymen, causing bleeding. The poor young girl was rolling around on the grass in pain. Such was the pain, that she soon passed out.
One of the lads, Willie Player, had the presence of mind to telephone for an ambulance. One came about 20 minute later to take the poor girl off to hospital.
She was rushed to A & E and a nurse reported straight to the surgeon Dr Mal Practiss:
"This wee lassie has been hit by a golf ball Mr Practiss"
"Where was she hit?" he enquired.
"Between the first and second hole!"
"Well, it's doesn't give me much room to work on, but I think I can do something - let's have a look."
The nurse removed the girls clothing for the Surgeon to survey the damage.
"Ahh we have one of the best 'Hole-in-ones' I have ever seen. Now that's nasty!" he exclaimed.
"What do we need?" asked the nurse.
"Forceps, scissors, a jar of Vasoline, 100ml of WD 40, a sheet of grease proof paper and 25cm fishing line."
As the Surgeon scrubbed up, the nurse brought all the articles requested. Mal then liberally sprayed the boy's stray ball with WD40 and allowed 5 minutes for it to soak. He then covered his hands with Vasoline and gently extracted the blockage from the virgin's vagina. Morag moaned even though she was under the effects of anaesthesia.
"Now that's part one done. Lets have a go at her broken cherry; get me the fishing line and the greaseproof paper nurse." ordered Mal.
After a 3 hour operation, Mal had managed to make a new hymen for Morag. So proud of his work was he, that he signed it 'Mal Practiss'.
Further accounts can be read in The Scotsman under the headline 'Practiss Makes Perfect Pussy'