Researchers at Johns Hopkins University Medical School have discovered a link between frequency of masturbation and amount of acne. The study, to be published in the New England Journal of Medicine in January, brings these connections to light and provides warning signs to concerned parents.
Dr. Jack Offskovitch, co-author of the paper, offered the following statement in a news conference announcing the research:
"The onset of acne in young people often mirrors the onset of puberty. Many of blamed acne on increased hormone levels or other factors such as pizza, chocolate, greasy foods, or improper washing of the face or skin. We can now, however, connect factually the relationship between the number of pimples one has and the frequency of male masturbation."
"While all youth will have a few pimples, the number increases in direct proportion to the number of times teens participate in self gratification."
"Basically put, in the language of the younger generation, pizza faced boys spend a lot of time choking the chicken."
"We have not noticed any corallary between the number of times teenage girls please themselves and their acne. In fact, quite the opposite is true. Girls with increased amount of acne actually spend a greater amount of time using their hands to gratify their boyfriends!"
"There seems to be a direct relationship to contact between the hand and the penis/male genitalia and the amount of acne and no correlation between hand/vaginal contact and acne."
"Further research into this branch of the study gave us the following conclusions: To reduce the risk of acne and acne scars in young ladies, we recommend that they either participate in oral or normal penal/vaginal sex. Teen girls that worked with us in our research test group had a significantly lower number of pimples than the girls in the control group who used their hands to masturbate the doctors."
"Also, a side effect of a healthy sex life in boys, where they do not need to gratify themselves, is no acne."