Written by Dave Foreman
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Topics: Archeology

Sunday, 5 August 2001

image for Artifact Could Be Missing Link
The clues are out there...

Arnold Edgeworth, famed Archeologist and author of the highly publicized work, "The Darwinian Theory Applied To Inanimate Objects", last week announced a significant discovery.

Edgeworth and his team, while working a dig in a secluded corner of a theme park in Philadelphia, discovered the remains of what may be one of man's earliest attempts to make a hot dog. Using Edgeworth's own "Carbon Paper Dating System", the team paired off and had an incredible sex orgy.

Once they had that out of their systems, they were able to state with little doubt that the "plaesio-dog" (named that by Edgeworth after his father on his mother's side) was almost 950 years old.

The find may very well confirm Edgeworth's belief that "man made hot dogs before he made baseball stadiums." Edgeworth called them "stadia" but that kind of academic pedantry really sucks the hog rooter so we changed the quote and screw him. He can sue if he doesn't like it.

The importance of the find, while being minimized by the archeological community, could very well prove several of Edgeworth's theories.

Dr. Roman Rheuman, National Archeological Society Director, when asked for a comment, responded, "That would be such a pain in the ass you can't imagine it. This guy is a plague on the sanctity and integrity of archeology."

Edgeworth would only say that, "the bun was a little tough and the meat wasn't all that green. All in all, pretty tasty with a little mustard and relish. I'd try another one if I had the opportunity."

The controversy continues.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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