Written by Robert W. Armijo
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Sunday, 16 December 2007

image for God recalls the year 2007; space-time continuum to be reset back one year at midnight on New Year's Eve; quantum mechanics fear end of the Universe
Jehovah recalls the year 2007 for having so many recalls. Will it recall the Universe too?

Vatican City - It's official. At the stroke of midnight on New Year's Eve 2007 God will turn back the hands of time, resetting the space-time continuum back to December 31, 2006. The act of God was requested by Pope Benedict XVI when he prayed to the Virgin Mary to intercede on the behalf of all mankind because of the product recalls that we have had this year. She agreed and petitioned God to reset the space-time continuum accordingly.

This year has been the year of a million recalls, so the Pope decided to call in on a little favor from the Almighty and get the entire year of 2007 recalled too, said the Vatican.

"Why brake with tradition?" said a spokesmen for the Vatican.

Meanwhile, quantum mechanics (a division of physicists that are obsessed with measuring small things), has predicted that such an event, if possible, would tear a hole in the fabric of time resulting in the collapse of the Universe.

"Unless Jehovah is prepared to create another singularity like the Big Bang again, we are certainly all doomed," said L. Otts Whitehead, professor of physics at the Institute of Gravitational Physics and Geometry at Penn State.

Whitehead insisted that he was merely speaking metaphorically and in no way were his statements to be taken as an endorsement of any organized religion or personal or professional belief in the existence of such an ultimate supernatural being as Jehovah that set into motion all the laws of the Universe.

"We, quantum mechanics, have posited the truth that there is no Jehovah so therefore he does not exist and it is good," said Whitehead. "It is mere superstition and irrational to believe in something you cannot possibly observe and thus measure."

Whitehead explained that religion is not hard science like String Theory or anything.

"After all if we did that," said Whitehead. "Quantum mechanics would cease to be a valid science and be reduced to nothing more than a religion, philosophy or some cosmic cult with some cheep parlor tricks up their sleeves."

"So remember," said a spokesman for the Vatican. "Don't forget to turn back your calendars one year before you go to bed on New Year's Eve or you'll be left behind."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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