Banff, Alberta - Scientists on vacation at an undisclosed resort in Banff have revealed to the world Prudence, described as a "super beaver" that will change the world.
"Prudence, as you can see, is quite a robustly furry beaver. Her mane is thick and vibrant and lush, and curls just slightly. If you lean in close you will also notice her heady musk," said geneticist Albert Gordon before being smacked by a coworker and called "immature." Gordon, clearly intoxicated, was then ushered out of the room by a pair of Australian snowboarders and the interview was taken over by Dr. Sherry Luftwaffte.
The beaver, Canada's symbol of hope and freedom and also its most valuable currency, has seen a decline in recent years due to deforestation and the proliferation of a virulent strain of Candidiasis. Faced with the potential loss of the beaver, Dr. Luftwaffte and her team set to work to create a beaver that could withstand Canada's harsh winters, yeast infections and buggerist hunters. Prudence, the first of these new beavers, is so hearty she could wander totally exposed in the coldest of nights in downtown Toronto and be completely safe.
"Usually, and especially in urban centers, an exposed beaver would have little hope of surviving the night. But Prudence here represents the sort of beaver Canadians, and really everyone on earth, can be proud of. This beaver can handle anything, for hours and hours and hours," said Luftwaffte, without elaborating further.
Prudence was set to give a demonstration of just how different this genetically modified beaver was, but 17 of the 20 men scheduled to meet the beaver in the hotel room didn't show up and the demonstration had to be canceled. Eventually the team of scientists broke down into giggles and off-color remarks.
*Ed Note - a number of websites were provided to give more info on the beaver but none of them are suitable for publication in this venue.