(San Francisco, Nov 20) After a long and arduous search, scientists at the University of California, San Francisco, have finally identified the elusive "Gay Gene". He is Eugene Nobody of Pacific Heights.
Eugene , who was previously know only as by his nickname, "Gay Gene" was well known in the Castro district for his voracious appetite for anonymous sex. However, he always kept his identity a closely guarded secret, never emerging in public from his side of the glory hole.
The UCSF scientists were able to identify him by developing a mathematical algorithm that traced his movements in and out of the various anonymous sex venues of the city, and by "capturing" some of his DNA using a method they refused to specify.
In "real life" it turns out that Gene is a fund raiser for the Republican Party, whose clients have included Dick Armey, Bush 41 and 43, Bill Frist, and Tom DeLay.