Written by Maximus
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Topics: cancer, Clean

Thursday, 12 August 2004

image for Billy Mays Offers "Urineclean", FDA Investigates
Nuclear Explosions? Not a problem for Urineclean!

It has the power to clean and the power to wash; it makes brights brighter and darks darker; it cures cancer, kills vermin, and protects against forest fires. Of course I'm talking about the latest product of Billy Mays, "Urineclean". Made with real human urine, this liquid excrement cleaner zaps your linens clean, among other things. The product has not hit the market yet, as it is still being scrutinized by the FDA, but it is expected to sell like Beany Babies.

"It's the greates thing since bluberry pancakes" said Oxyclean spokesman Nada Brainwave presumably of this new product. "I can easily see ever American household using our product; it' just a fabulous product."

The product idea came out of a think-tank, headed by a very goofy individual. In a flash of "brilliance", he said that he had a great "idea", wherein he described the use of his "pee" to clean "stuff" and other vaious "things" that get dirty on occasion. He envisioned the product to come in a spray bottle and was quoted as saying, " I [facilitated the production of this wonderful chemical cleaner partilly by the fact that I] drink too much [alcohol, and other various things, some that I'd rather not mention, because they're quite gross...but I don't know that when I'm drunk, I just drink what's in the glass].

Not since the "Weiner Cleaner", a donut-shaped soap ring has there been such a user-friendly product. You simply spray a friendly cloud of human urine on your sofa, love seat, children, or yes, even food. Urine cleaner is "non-toxic" and therefore could be deemed edible, by the FDA.

If Urineclean can enjoy some success on the market, we may see the developement of "Poo Poo Paste", another new multi-purpose cleaning solution made from all-natural materials from our environment. Poo Poo Paste could revolutionize cleaning as we know. (Frankly, I am terribly excited about Poo Poo Paste). Details on Poo Poo Paste are mere guesses this early in the development process, but it is being predicted that it will come in a tube, and we will be offered both Regular Poo Poo Paste and Chunky Poo Poo Paste. The difference between each somehow correlates to what the developer had to eat the preceeding day.

So whether your pancakes need a bit of a kick, or you children are a bit untidy, Urineclean could be your new best friend, or a really bad idea.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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