Written by Bull Winkle Wilson
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Saturday, 17 November 2007

image for New Study Shows Cellphones Increase Lifespan and Health
Cellphone is Actually a Weight Loss Aid

A new study from Sweden, testing 10,000 subjects, shows that those using cellphones for more than 450 minutes a month for more than 10 years, actually live longer and have less health problems.

Magnus Berglund, President of Scandinavian Cell Phone Sales reports: "We even found cases where someone had a tumor before buying their cellphone, and now no longer have a tumor. We also have reason to believe cell phones prevent birth defects. Mothers using cell phones showed less occurrence of babies born too early."

"One other thing noticed in the study was that people no longer think you are talking to yourself, they just assume you have a hands-free phone you are talking into. This is a side benefit for the insane who are walking among us."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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