MIT Labs - The world's first successful experiment in Time Travel ended tragically yesterday when scientist Dr. Edwin Freedy returned from the past and reported that he had been unable to prevent his marriage to Nancy Freedy, his wife of 13 years.
"That was the whole reason I invented the time machine in the first place!" declared an exasperated Freedy. "To stop myself from marrying that angry, vindictive and hateful woman!"
Clearly agitated, Freedy explained what had happened during his journey into the past.
"My settings were perfect, it was August 3rd, 1989, the day I proposed to her."
"I quickly located my past-self on his way to propose marriage. The fool actually looked happy! I knocked the imbecile over the head and stuffed him under a row of hedges."
"Then I went to my wife's house, and I told her just what I thought of her. I even said her Mother looked like a "fat cow."
"By this time, my "past self" was arriving at the front door. I excused myself, and ducked out the back door, just in time for the idiot to arrive a moment later."
My work completed, I sat back to watch the fireworks through a window. When my "past-self" knelt down and asked my wife to marry him, I was certain she would give him a good tongue-lashing and throw him out!"
"But all she did was smile, and accept his proposal. I don't understand what happened!" Then, Freedy collapsed on the couch, exhausted.
I thought a moment, and said "Maybe she accepted your proposal out of ANGER, knowing she would make you pay for your rudeness which she DID... FOR YOUR ENTIRE MARRIAGE!"
"NO!" said Freely, miserably, "That CAN"T Be!"
"Don't you see?" I said, "You traveled back in time and turned your own future wife AGAINST you!"
Freedy then gave me an angry look and said "What if I went back in time again and just KILLED her? Strangled her with my bare hands?"
"If you did" I said, "It would change everything. I doubt I would even remember having this conversation with you."
Freedy then gave me a look of murderous determination and sprinted for the time machine and disappeared through it's shimmering doorway."
After a moment of dizziness, I continued my interview with Sam Mitchell, who's been accused of selling used cars that don't work. "How do you respond to these allegations Mr. Mitchell?"