Written by Rotten Apple
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Topics: Food

Saturday, 10 November 2007

image for Super-Burger Project Underway
Super-Burger testers must agree to keep the contents covered and away from the prying eyes of nefarious newspaper reporters.

Several of the biggest fast food enterprises have joined forces in a secret project. McDonalds, Burger King, Wendy's, and Sonic are developing a new super-burger that will appeal to the typical fast food customer who is craving ever-larger portions of fat. Some of these companies have tried to bring a super-burger to market on their own, but have all seriously underestimated the craving for fat that today's really obese food patron desires.

One very overweight customer was recently seen staggering out of Wendys after eating a hamburger that was topped off with six strips of bacon. "I guess it tasted OK, but I think they were a little stingy on the bacon!" Other customers complained of triple-burgers not having enough beef.

So the fast food industry has joined forces in order to develop the Super-Burger.

While no one has yet seen the final official Super-Burger, various food testers have reported the following:

  1. The Super-burger will not rely on merely a single stack of meat patties.
  2. As many as four stacks of beef and pork patties will we held together by a mysterious kind of glue.
  3. Two entire 1-pound packages of bacon will adorn the top of every Super-burger.
  4. A quart of mixed cheese and mayonnaise is poured over the whole thing.

Information is still sketchy about the size and shape of the bun that will make it possible for the customer to raise this contraption to his mouth, but it must be pretty big! There are persistent rumors that some new kind of fat has been developed specially for the Super-Burger project. The new fat supposedly is able to raise one's cholesterol numbers by 30 percent in just one sitting!

So far, at least five food testers have choked and died as a result of attempting to eat one of these Super-Burgers, but the work goes on in the secret kitchens of the fast food consortium. "We know we can come up with a burger that tops the magic 100,000 calorie glass ceiling. The people have spoken: and they want a Super-Burger that, in just one meal, provides the same caloric input that would maintain a pro-football team throughout an entire playing season."

The fast food industry has signed a unique advertising deal with The Spoof.com in which readers will be offered special coupons when the Super-Burger is announced. Watch The Spoof for further details.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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