Written by IN SEINE
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Sunday, 28 October 2007

image for Burglar traced by Carbon Footprint
'What's your carbon footprint saying about you?'

A burglar has been found guilty in Sheffield today in the world's first case using Carbon Footprint Detection Technology.

According to researchers from MicroCarb Laboratories in London, each person carries an 'invisible' carbon footprint (CF) that is even more accurate than DNA. Every time they have physical contact with something that is able to conduct electricity, they pick up a particle of carbon that gravitates to the feet. They have developed a sophisticated detector - a mass spectrometer type thingy that is accurate to of 1 in 6 billion people.

Wayne Scragg, 22, was followed by the police from a doctor's house in an exclusive area of Sheffield to his mum's terraced home in Nottingham. He was photographed unloading various types of expensive electrical goods such as Plasma Televisions, PlayStation's, Laptops, and Digital Radios to the house in Ferret Street.

PC Bill McBill said "We were on patrol in Sheffield when we received reports of a lad wearing scruffy jeans and a hooded top acting suspiciously at the doctor's five bedroom detached home. He was loading up a Porsche Boxster with the quality electrical goods and then drove off at speed. It was obvious that neither the car, nor the goods were his, but we decided to follow him because it was coming to the end of our shift and if we stopped him straight away we would have to spend an hour or so filling in paperwork. I like driving, so we decided to finish our shift following him."

Ferret Street's chief curtain-twitcher, Doris Dugdale told us that "I've known Wayne since he was a little cheeky boy of six and didn't think he would come home one day in a flashy sports car with loads of gadgets!"

When tested with Microcarbs' equipment, Scragg was found to have size 27 Carbon Footprints. He will be sentenced once a legal size of CF has been established.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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