Written by Passion Vine House
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Topics: Research, water

Friday, 19 October 2007

image for Don't Drink the Dehydrated Water
Now the water and the beer tastes like piss.

A forensic scientist studying the DNA of water in the English University of Cambridge has made some startling findings that may cause us to think twice before ever drinking tap water again.

Dr Jonathen Ffrench from Ffife, Scotland, has spent the last twenty-five years studying water. He explains his work in straightforward terms.

"Chemically, DNA is a long polymer of simple units called nucleotides, with a backbone made of sugars and phosphate groups joined by ester bonds". He continued, "What I had to do was isolate the phosphate groups within the compounds of the water sample".

There were many failures and years of despair until finally Dr. Ffrench was able to isolate the amino acids in a quark of water. He had his amino acids and the next logical step was to separate the ribosomes from the spliceosomes.

It was when the Scottish scientist was looking at the dehydrated spliceosomes in the petri dish in his lab that he had the sudden burst of inspiration that more or less guarantees him a visit from the Nobel Committee next year.

By breaking down the eukaryotes of the spliceosomes he could now identify five unique DNAs within the molecule of tap water he began with.

Dr. Ffrench contacted Interpol on the off chance that one of those DNA strands might match a DNA sample in their huge catalog. Astonishingly, they found five identical matches with prisoners serving sentences in jails throughout Italy.

Dr. Ffrench's findings, which are to be published in the lancet next month, prove concluseively that tap water in the Cambridge area was indeed passed by at least five Roman soldiers.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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