NEW YORK, NY -- A pharmaceutical giant made an announcement earlier today that will likely change history.
The firm's CEO, Mr X, told a room of rowdy stockholders that they have developed a drug that literally makes people want to take more prescription drugs.
With a smile on his face reminiscent of the Cheshire Cat, X told the room of stockholders, "Imagine a world where one drug makes you want more drugs, regardless of what is ailing you. Splinter in your finger? Take a drug. Hungover? Take a drug. Hungry? Take a drug. Need to take a piss? Take a drug. It's just that simple. Just to function on a daily basis, the user of our new drug will be forced to take more of our drugs which means more profits for all of us."
Mr X. added that before seeking FDA approval for the new drug, tentatively called "Masmierda," will need to be tested on the inhabitants of a Third World nation, preferably in Africa.
No tentative release date has been set for the drug but many physicians are already expecting the flood of patients asking if Masmierda is right for them.