Written by Don Davis
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this
Topics: Global Warming

Tuesday, 2 October 2007

image for Key to Global Cooling

Scientists at Los Alamos National Laboratory say Benjamin Franklin gave us the solution to Global Warming 225 years ago and we just didn't know it.

The North American and European winter of 1783-84 was about 4.8 degrees centigrade cooler than average. Benjamin Franklin suggested that these colder than normal conditions resulted from the blocking out of sunlight by dust and gases created by the Iceland Laki eruption in 1783.

A similar phenomenon was observed with the 1815 Mt. Tambora eruption which resulted in the "year without a summer". New England and Europe experienced snowfall in June, July and August of that year. The world experienced unseasonably cool weather following the 1883 eruption of Mt. Krakatau and the 1991 eruptions of Mt. Pinatubo and Mt. Hudson. The 1991 eruptions lowered the world's mean temperature about 1 degree centigrade.

Knowing that the plume of ash and natural gases from volcanic eruptions will filter out the suns radiation and cool the Earth scientists have a solution. Los Alamos' Dr. Henry Blastheimer Phd. proposes "…Every year we blow up specifically targeted volcanoes around the world. The resulting ash plumes will filter out radiation and sunlight and lower global temperatures. Thus, reducing and/or eliminating global warming altogether. Mother Nature has done it herself; we just need to push her along a little bit".

Dr. Blastheimer further explained "It seems that Mother Nature puts particles into the atmosphere to block radiation/sunlight to lower temperatures naturally. If we could do the same thing and 'mimic' what Mother Nature does we can lower global temperatures too. But, we could do it more selectively, scientifically and safely without the ozone damaging effects the Volcanoes sometimes have".

With a sudden smirk Dr. Blastheimer goes on to explain "…around here we call the special Volcano busting bombs 'Virgin Bombs' so we can sacrifice the 'Virgins' to the Volcanoes". He then giggled like a schoolgirl and fell out of his chair.

Make Don Davis's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 1 multiplied by 5?

8 5 15 7
69 readers are online right now!

Go to top