Written by Hennell
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Topics: Scientists, Earth

Wednesday, 17 March 2004

Scientists have discovered that the earth is expanding at a incredibly quick rate along with the rest of the universe.

Scientists at NASA have been conducting a three year study into the expansion of the universe, where they have discovered something none of them could believe. It seems that the entire universe is growing by 784.6% every 20 hours.
This means that an ant is growing by over 7 feet per day.

"The only reason no-one has noticed this before" said a important figure in the study, "Is that the entire universe is expanding at the same rate"

Explains previous problems

This expansion of the earth and everything in it solves allot of previous unknown problems. It is thought that some things may not expand at a similar rate to others, leaving them shrinking ever so slightly.

It has been suggested that losing things may be a result of this effect.
"I believe that we will be able to prove that losing things like car keys is down to the materials it is made of not expanding for a while. This would make them considerably smaller then you would be able to see."

'Famine would become a problem of the past.'

This study is a major breakthrough in science and may solve issues like world hunger. It is thought that if they can speed up or slow down the rate of enlargement then they can make things smaller or bigger then before.

"If we can find a way of speeding this growth up, we can potentially grow food the size of houses. Famine would become a problem of the past."

How will it help?

But there is still a lot of work till then: "We are not sure how the atoms will behave at a bigger size, making huge food safe to eat may be a problem."

The team is keen to point out that whilst this is a massive breakthrough in our knowledge of the world a lot of work still has to be done.

"To use this to make things bigger or smaller will require us to control the rate of expansion and then normalize it again."

Whilst hunger and famine is the key problem this could solve, there are many other uses. If the scientists can slow down the rate of growth they will be able to make electronic goods smaller then ever before.
"It would become possible to make the electronic circuits in a computer the size of a mobile. Obviously this would revolutionize the technical world" said one scientist. "We could make things lighter more mobile and run on smaller size batteries."

The study will continue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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