Written by The Macster
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Monday, 24 September 2007

image for Scientists Prove Ugly People Can't Sing
Yet another contestant with no self-awareness humiliates himself on national television

If you want to know how good a singer you are, look in the mirror. This is the advice of Chief Researcher Colin Bimblepen of the University of Glamorgan, Pontypridd, South Wales.

"Our three years of research has proven that the more unattractive the person, the greater the likelihood that they are tone deaf. In fact, people with funny, flat, whiney voices tend to be either old, fat in a comical 'Trigger Happy TV' type of way, demented or a mixture of all three. Conversely, very young and beautiful people can sing very well indeed."

The research, which was conducted by Dr Bimblepen whilst watching 'X Factor' on ITV, has been dismissed by vocal experts across the world.

"How can they disagree when the evidence is before their very own eyes," Bimblepen countered. "For what reason would Simon Cowell, Sharon Osbourne, the little Irish fella and the fit-but-pushing-it Australian bird want to show just attractive people singing in tune? Anyone would think that they have some sort of self-interested ulterior motive to their actions and I know for a fact that the music business is the most honest industry in the world."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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